Day 1: the day of the phantoms

vanesa ruiz casuso February 1, 2018

What do you feel first thing in the morning when you are trapped by the routine? Let me tell you. You feel nothing. You are a ghost of your former self.

As a ghost, that early morning of January, 21, I woke up completely dead. I went up to the kitchen and poured a cap of coffee. Yes, sometimes ghosts like morning coffee and also feel unsteady. So I lighted a cigarette and looked at the sunrise city skyline.

The day dawned sunny and blue, and contrary to what was expected I felt unusually determined. It took me ten minutes to write down my resignation letter which I quickly submitted  first thing at the office. I felt release and unexcused to pursuit the dreams that I had parked up when I was seventeen.

A new journey had just started.

For several days, I felt on the moon. Routine was gone and I felt fifteen years rejuvenated. My life was about to start from scratch, I was a book with blank pages waiting to be written.  But as the days were passing by, I slowly start cracking down. I feared. I frightened. I paralyzed.

My finances? My routine? My morning coffee? My early waking up hours? My future? My age? My flat? My life? where had the silly things gone by? I panicked, I punished myself for being panicking. What’s wrong with you, stupid panicking girl?!?!

So when the phantoms came to see me, I just remembered some wise words, that the courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. So this is my first page to be written, to learn to overcome my fears. That is the first day of my new journey. And the first day of my new life starts now…